worked my first double shift at the gentlemen’s restaurant
came home feeling drained, washed out, non-existent
when i am sitting in the lap of a man who weighs over 200 kilos
and I only weigh fifty two
i feel like i am sitting in the palm of a giant
who could crush me, envelope me or release me
i feel powerless, tiny, like an insect
my body is tired of being touched
but i am happy to be alive.
cleaning out my room/moving house/cleansing and changing
found some tiny bird bones and naked pictures in a drawer, laid in the grass with the cat while he played with a twig, picked a loquat off the tree, put the plants in a line.
"i cant leave you two alone because you need supervision"
"we dont need supervision” we say, as we use the milk steamer to froth chocolate, eat a cookie under the counter, text our boyfriends and birds shit on the table outside.
two men RUINED my day and made me cry a lot at work because they were being sexist and mean but then it was ok because two different men made my day,
my friend mick took me to his cactus garden to calm down and then drove me home and then tim brought me home flowers and a sandwhich lol so really things balance out thanks universe u mean to me but u good to me too
i am eating your masculinity whole so the world can be rid of it the taste is horrible it tastes like weakness and footballs but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make so no one ever again has to endure suffering through this lil show youre putting on